he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
