At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
