She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
