I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
