i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im holly from the hills drunk
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
