The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
