I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
