i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
