i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize