He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
