...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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