She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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