On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
