oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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