i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
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that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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