I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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