I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
