i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
