We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
