we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
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I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
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I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Let's get the cat blown out
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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