Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You dont lie about slip and slides
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
