I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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