last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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