finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
