I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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