What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
