Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
