Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
