I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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