So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
