Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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