Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
