we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Randomize
