According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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