That's intense
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
