I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
