This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
