Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
