oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
