got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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