I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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