I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Drake has all the answers
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
