There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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