That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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