Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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