Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
