Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
that may or may not have been my penis.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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