Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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