i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
there is puke in my bra ... again
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