I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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