After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
