No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The police scanner is talking about you again....
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
