I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
