dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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