Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
