I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
