Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize