id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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