he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
