Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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