i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
