...so i touched it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
