you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
