In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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