I'm eating all of the evidence.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
