Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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