if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
