would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
