I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
