Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
